What to do when everything sucks

Do you know what burnout feels like?

Have you ever “joked” that you’re too young to be feeling this old? 

Tell me if any of these statements sound like you…

“I’m drowning in responsibilities.”

“I am alone in my pain.”

“This is unsustainable.”

“Everything I worked so hard for is going down the drain.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“I can’t trust myself.”

“What’s the point in trying.”

If you’ve ever wondered if your mind is preventing you from achieving success, fulfillment, self-acceptance… then you’ve wondered about the role your subconscious mind is playing in your life.  I made this video to explain why life might feel like an uphill battle, and what you can do about it. I show you how your mind is responsible for the things you experience, and give you an actionable place to begin to turn things around.

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Medicine of the imagination

Hypnosis is sometimes called “medicine of the imagination”.  As humans, we have this amazing natural ability to shift our internal, subconscious state. In fact, our brain is wired to reward itself every time we learn something useful.  To gain access to this internal state, we have to find a deep focus, also called a “trance”.  We all have the innate ability to enter this state, simply by relaxing our bodies and focusing our attention on one thought. You probably find yourself in this sort of trance – or, entranced – all the time, whether scrolling through social media, getting lost in a TV show, or simply losing track of time while engrossed in an activity.  When used in a healing format, accessing a trance allows us to guide our thoughts and surrender to the supportive forces within us and around us.   This is what we do in hypnotherapy. 

The power to change is in your hands.

Since so much of our brain activity can be characterized as “subconscious”, attempting to consciously work our way through a problem habit is often an ineffective  response to a negative stimulus. This is how hypnosis differs from traditional psychotherapy:  in the state of trance, we can access these deeper layers of our subconscious, allowing us to respond to the original stimulus – the response to which is “stuck” in our minds and bodies – in an updated, resourceful way.   

Traumatic events often get “stuck” in our subconscious, and those memories then dictate responses in us that may have served a purpose at one time, but have steadily grown more and more counterproductive.  For those who don’t feel they’ve experienced a traumatic event, even ordinary events that occur slowly and persistently over time can get recorded in a loop. This loop, also called a neural pathway, continues to replay in the background, whether or not you’re actively aware of it.  Until the age of 25, our brains are designed to act like super-sponges, soaking up and learning from our experiences.  We have evolved to experience, process, and overcome pain and hurt in our early life, in preparation for our mature years.  Whether it was something we were specifically taught, a reaction to a person or situation, or just something we passively witnessed (even something we saw on TV) we have all picked up lessons! But as our surroundings change and our emotional needs evolve, it’s worth considering whether some of those lessons need to be updated.     

Our aware, conscious mind --the daily thoughts you “hear” that tell you to go do this, or avoid that -- can only focus on seven bits of information at one time.  Because our attention can only be fully held by a handful of thoughts at any given time, our brain is constantly prioritizing how we allocate our precious bits of conscious awareness. In session, we are ultimately looking to replace a counterproductive impulse with a resourceful response. Once you identify a more productive way of approaching your particular obstacle, the solution can be plucked out of the billions of pieces of information occupying your subconscious and brought to the conscious mind’s attention. By shifting what you pay attention to in your everyday life, you will start to notice all the things that will make that change more attainable. There is no magic, nothing mystical about this process – it’s how we’re programmed.  Still, this change won’t happen unless you choose it and put in the work to keep choosing the change, in the conscious state of everyday experiences.  By acting on what you yourself deem to be worthy of your attention, you can learn to trust yourself, and uncover a more empowered life experience. 

While in trance, we will access a scene through all five of your senses, so you experience it not only in your mind, but in your entire body. You will be completely aware, and in control of everything that happens here. After your session, you will have the memory of the physical experience of feeling better, maybe of being a person you have always wanted to be ( that’s what happened to me ).  You will still have to choose to behave like this person, selecting the most helpful, resourceful thoughts to ensure that the progress you make after our session is completely in your hands.  The power to change is in your hands!

Our beliefs govern our reality

Our beliefs govern our reality: what we see, but also how we heal.

Hypnosis is powerful, rapid change work.  Through this change work, we are gifted the opportunity to retrain how we experience everyday life. 

Even though our old thought patterns live in our mind, they can send neural signals to every corner of our physical bodies.  Repeated stress, anxiety, and even inherited trauma can live in our bodies, resulting in a wide range of physical manifestations.  If you can think back to a time you felt anxious or depressed, you’ll remember that your physical body was also in a very real state of “unwell”.  The mind and the body are inextricably linked.

A great deal of our somatic experiences, and their physical embodiments, are rooted in emotional events.

The best way to shake loose, unblock, and help to heal the physical body is to loosen up and revise the neural pathways that were laid down at some point in the past.  It is my belief that by working through our emotional blocks that have been running on a loop outside of our conscious awareness, we can not only change our thoughts and emotional well-being, but we can unlock a slew of unconsciously-expressed physical manifestations as well. 

The mind is responsible for making the body feel.  Try this: 

Close your eyes.  Then, think about the big toe on your right foot tingling.  Give it a few seconds.  Send all of your attention there, and notice the sensation in that toe.  With relaxed focus and concentration, the body feels what the mind expects it to feel.   

Because the brain works with memories as the basis for its responses to new stimuli, you can give yourself a memory of a better future, and use that positive experience to shape your new responses and reactions.  By way of example, this mind-body connection is fundamental to sports psychology.  When athletes practice visualization training, the same parts of the brain are firing off (while seated in the therapist’s chair), as if they were actually physically performing the task.  In the state of trance, you too are able to rehearse the change you want to see in your life, and your mind and body record it as though this experience occurred in the physical realm.  Together we can imaginatively rehearse a healthier, more resourceful future for you and those around you.   

What is hypnosis and how does it work?

The brain is a pattern-making machine. All-day long, the brain is coming up with examples of how old patterns are correct and adding new instances to prove that the way we see things, is the right, true and moral way to behave. Unless we specifically train ourselves to seek out change, to dance with it, we tend to “fall” into the comfort zone of our rehearsed behaviors and our life remains the same. In neuroscience, these are called neural loops. These thinking, behavior patterns follow the path of least resistance, the path most walked. If we use the metaphor of a forest to represent the mind, this is the difference between following a well-trodden path (those rehearsed comfort zone behaviors), and going off track, where the fear of the unknown, fear of getting lost, or coming across a dangerous monster if you stray, is looming. Maybe you’ve heard this quote by Albert Einstein “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. Exploring the unknown is where the gold of new resources, and where our innate wisdom, intelligence lie, waiting to be discovered. This is why it is important to work with a coach or a therapist you trust, someone who has your absolute success and your best outcomes in mind. Maybe even someone who can see a better future version of you, than the one you currently see for yourself.

So what happens when you go into the unknown, the subconscious? You are able to examine the cause of some of your unfavorable tendencies and behaviors. Then, you can rescue yourself, safely relive those often very old, outdated situations through a more resourceful perspective.

Think of all of your emotions as colors in a tapestry.  Perhaps your anger is represented in red, all your old, repressed pain is expressed as a fog-like grey, your joy shines yellow, and your happiness portrayed in a dazzling green, etc.  Each time you experience that emotion, another thread of that color is added to the tapestry of your experience.  In a lot of ways, all the times you felt anger, or sadness, is connected to all the other times.  They’re all the same color. 

Think of the deep hurt a small child feels when they don’t receive a treat they want really badly. Imagine going back into the past, into a similar moment when you were, say, 3-years-old (or, if you’ve had the chance to observe any small children recently, imagine them in this role). You can easily see the pain: it’s all the child wants, it’s the only thing that matters to them at that moment. There is no delayed gratification, no later. There is only now. That pain, that very intense emotion, is recorded and a gray thread is added to your tapestry. From your current adult perspective, you can see several reasonable explanations for why your little self did not receive what they wanted in that moment.

In trance, we are able to go back in time to soothe your Inner Child’s emotional state, which “taught” the little you that you cannot have what you truly desire. In simplified terms, the feeling of "if I really want something I cannot have it” (coupled with the gray yarn of pain) got coded into your system, especially if this was an experience you came across often in your formative years. The brain loves to find patterns, it loves to generalize. You can re-experience that memory, and also bring healing with your current knowledge, confidence, and experience to the younger you.  You can pick out that one gray yarn, and when you do, you might see how subsequent experiences in your life might have changed, had that initial “If I really want something I cannot have it” belief been taken out of the equation.  When you pick on one yarn, it pulls on many others of the same color, same emotion.  You might notice your brain generalizing for the better now.  you’re bringing other positive, beautiful colors into that experience, while also removing the initial pain.

Revisiting an old memory, then re-living an updated version of that experience, sends a signal to your mature brain that you are actually able to change. A new pattern emerges. The brain is constantly looking for patterns and in creating empowering new ones, you become the architect of your life. The new pattern says: I can change. And now, being aware of this innate ability to change, the mind starts searching for more examples of how that is true. Gaining inner confidence over time really stacks up and we evolve into self trusting, self-sufficient beings. We ease into our most authentic, worthy selves. The feelings of self-confidence and self-trust are the touchstones to creating any compelling, productive, important work. Whether that is in your personal life, career, family life, or out in your community. If you want to make a positive mark on the world (on whatever level you choose), trusting yourself, believing your gut, and following that inner knowing is the foundation you need.

Hypnosis can help you pick off what’s not serving you, and weave a new, more resourceful tapestry.

What is Trance State?

Imagine sitting on your couch watching a movie.  You are both aware of the room and of the scenes unfolding on the screen.  You are both focused, inspired by what you see and hear, and aware of your surroundings.  This is an example of a trance state.  It is completely natural, and we go in and out of trance, dozens of times every day.

In trance, the state most associated with being hypnotized, we are completely aware of everything that is happening around us.  Trance state is simply a state of deep focus.  In this state of deep focus, the “normal” experience of the brain keeping track of a hundred different things (what am I doing now, how is this going to be perceived, did I forget to respond to that text, what’s for lunch), falls away.  We are much better able to focus on just one or a few things at once. 

Now think of a time when there was something you wanted to do, or wish you could do, but hadn’t.  Notice how many self criticizing thoughts were coming up, for why you can’t, or shouldn’t attempt that thing.  Those negating thoughts are good, and healthy.  They protect us from doing stupid shit all the time.  Sometimes though, they are too hypervigilant. Overprotecting us from attempting something that might actually change our lives for the better.  Those overprotective thoughts can sound like doubt, shame, fear, judgement.  We can even find examples in our past experience that prove those protective thoughts right.  So we don’t go through with the exciting but scary new thing. 

In a state of trance, you are able to focus only on the thing you want.  The critical mind, the doubts and fears aren’t there.  You can experience the behavior, or try on a different way of being without hearing that voice that tells you why you can’t or shouldn’t. 

You might have noticed that the trance state happens both ways: you can be deeply focused on something positive, or you are totally focused on a negative emotion.  Our brains are wired for threats and danger, so they have a tendency to focus on life’s negative experiences over the positive ones, which is why entering trance with a clear, useful goal in mind should always be done with intention (whether with a hypnotherapist or on your own). 

Now imagine a new scene. You’ve received an email that makes you so mad, the rest of the world just falls away.  You’re now entirely focused on your screen, and you can only feel and hear the clicking of the keys as you furiously type your response.  The experience is all encompassing, jolting you into a state of trance, leaving your senses completely engaged with the words on the screen and the task of responding. All distractions fall away.  What you were doing before you received the email, and what you plan on doing next are now far from your mind. This high alert, single focus is the trance state.

As in the example above, to get into this powerful, hyper-focused experience, we want to engage all of our senses.  When using trance to effect change, it is necessary to relax the mind and body, before we begin the hyper-focused change work.  Think of sitting in a comfortable chair, focusing on your breath, and listening to a peaceful soundtrack.  This is the simplest way to experience something very close to the kind of relaxation you will feel in trance during a hypnosis session.  As you sit in your chair, of course, you can choose to think about your tasks, your anxieties.  But if you allow yourself to let them go (by simply listening and sending your attention to follow the voice of your hypnotherapist), you can softly transition into trance.  This will allow your critical mind to chill out, and your unconscious narrative to come forward. 

It is 100% up to you.  Can anyone be hypnotized?  Yes, if they choose to.  Because you will be completely aware of your physical body, of your surroundings, you can choose to “go in” and relax into the experience, or to let your mind wander and follow those distracting thoughts.  You can be hypnotized by a therapist, or continue to be hypnotized by your own inner dialogue. Thinking new, positive thoughts or continuing to loop on that old dialogue of doubt and fear require the same amount of work.

Assuming you were able to release yourself into a slower breathing pattern, followed the voice of the hypnotist, and have found yourself very relaxed, you are now in the perfect, primed state to continue following the instructions and go into any number of experiences presented by the therapist.  This is why trusting in the goodwill of your hypnosis practitioner is of the highest importance.  Trusting that you will only be taken into situations in your past, or imaginary instances of your future (your own highest self), that will most benefit you and your journey – is key. 

In trance state, you can listen, speak, laugh, cry, scratch your leg, all the things you can do in your normal waking life.  You will likely feel more physically relaxed, but otherwise, it is just another waking experience where the usual distractions simply fall away. 

At the end of your session, I will bring your attention back into the room, and into the body and you can easily transition back into your surroundings, and reintegrate into your day.  You can’t get “stuck” in a trance, though you may feel the positive effects of a clearer, calmer mind for a few hours following the session.

Inner Child and Shadow integration through hypnosis.

As humans, we are programmed to pick up information and learn things at an intensely rapid rate in the early years of our lives. We all come here to learn lessons, to overcome pain, to experience joy. To learn and grow. To me, that is the true purpose of our time here on earth.

We all have painful childhood experiences.  It is part of the human condition.  Whether picked up from your family, something you witnessed outside of the home, or something taught to you through culture, society, or even TV, as children we absorb information like sponges.  As children, we are constantly learning who to be, how to behave, what is just, what love looks like, how to avoid pain.  In my estimation, the draw towards receiving love is the strongest of all the others (more than avoiding pain or sometimes even avoiding death).  So as children, we go through the world picking up clues for what will get us the most love.  We see how our caretakers behave, how they give and receive love.  We see how people outside our family unit are treated, picking up even more cues on what to do, or not to do. We watch TV and movies, we learn how it’s done through all of those experiences, through the mirror neurons (the “see to believe” signals) in our brains.

It is rare for someone to not create coping strategies along the way because we all experience some level of pain as children. It doesn’t mean you were abused as a kid, though many of us were. Upon learning a strategy, to receive love, or to protect ourselves, the brain lays down a pattern, a shortcut, as the basis for all future behaviors. This is laid down, inside our psyche, as an impulse. This neural pathway says if you behave this way, you will get love. Even if as we grow, and consciously recognize a particular behavior that isn’t serving us (how many times have you said to yourself “Why am I like this”), that old background loop is still the basis for a lot of our impulses. Even if we don’t want to behave this way anymore, it is very hard to consciously stop ourselves from following through on the impulse. The impulse is now operating on its own track that was laid down years and years ago. The simplest way to change the impulse, and to rewire, is to go back to where it was laid down and recorded, in the subconscious mind.

You may have noticed that when people are triggered, stressed out, or anxious, they don’t usually behave very rationally (this is easiest to notice with other people, rather than ourselves). That is because in moments of stress, we all fall back on our comfort behaviors. The most familiar, the oldest reactions that we picked up when we were learning how to navigate the world around us. As an adult, throwing a tantrum when things get rough is objectively not a great response mechanism, but how many of us do it? Some of us learned a long time ago that when we cry and make ourselves seen, problems have a way of resolving themselves – maybe we even receive love and attention. For those who learned this pattern in their childhood, the natural reaction will be to metaphorically lose their shit. Even if we know it won’t solve things, or may even make the situation more difficult, it will still be the go-to response, because it is recorded as our baseline “problem solving” mechanism. When we access  our subconscious programming, we have a chance to rewire those old neural pathways.

There are two ways to access the subconscious mind. One is in our sleep – we access it all the time during the REM cycles when we get deep sleep. Unfortunately, as you have probably experienced, we often don’t have much control over what comes up in dreams. The other way to access the subconscious is through the state of trance, which is what we do in hypnosis. It isn’t woo-woo, there is nothing mystical about what happens in session.  At the end of the day, a hypnotist is simply a guide that knows the right questions to ask and the right places to take you to, in your own mind. 

Your hypnotherapist as your guide, can help you harvest your own innate resilience, your own creativity and your own resources. This is an incredibly empowering place to problem-solve from and it all comes from within you. All the solutions to our perceived problems are stored in our subconscious. You are able to rewire your own brain when you choose to do the work. How fucking cool is that.

Just like the coping mechanisms that we develop in our childhood, and are rarely aware of, we also carry with us a “shadow self”. The psychoanalyst Carl Jung coined the term in the 1940s, describing the shadow as the “unknown dark side of the personality”. Basically, the shadow is the unknown side of ourselves, a set of traits we either don’t recognize as our own, or actually fully reject. Finding our own shadow aspects can be a very simple process. Notice what traits really trigger you in other people. Very likely those are the traits that you abhor in yourself, and do everything in your power to avoid expressing.  We are all hiding these shadow aspects from ourselves by loudly rejecting them, pretending they don’t exist.  Meanwhile, our behaviors and impulses come through revealing those very shadows. 

Just as with Inner Child integration, it is helpful for us to become aware of our Shadow aspects. When we are aware of our inner impulses, we understand why we behave a certain way (or respond to stress, criticism, you name it). In trance state, you are able to resource that shadow, to use its positive aspects, and accept yourself further. The most empowering tools to have in your toolbox are inner love and acceptance, the ability to release deep shame, and knowing that you can learn to change and continue to become the person you were meant to be.

Learning never ends, there is never too young or too old. We can all be better. We can all do more to make this life better for ourselves and others. Unlearning old lessons is the key to releasing the Shadow and to releasing the shame that is trapped inside our bodies, weighing us down. Releasing shame is the key to letting go of the many things we unwittingly cling to.

With hypnosis, you can learn how to alter the behaviors you wish to change. You can relive those old experiences differently, see the future through a positive lens, and allow your unconscious mind to write a new neural pathway. A different story.